JosefKirchner.com

                               JOSEF'S BLOG

7 May 2009

Ah, how time flies when you're having fun.  Why I didn't move to LA earlier, I will never know!  Everyday is a holiday in paradise here!  Added the expected "Before and After" pic to the bio page.  My big muscle dude chest is almost big as it was before!  LOL  

20 March 2009   (this entry is in the making so do not read it as it is now and know your getting the whole article...come back)

I think it very fitting that the first entry in this blog be addressed to a certain group of people.  A simple Internet search of my name will come up with a plethora of misquotes and inaccuracies about my person.  One that particualarily saddens me the most is the campaign by certain invididuals of the Transgender community to continue to propogate the rumors of a false and negative nature about my person.  One of the lasted fabricated Internet pages with much misinformation resides at:  http://zagria.blogspot.com/2009/01/josef-kirchner-1964-performer.html where the first commenter of the article written on me writes as follows: 

"Considering how brutally Kirchner negatively characterized his SRS on his fortunately vanished website and blamed everyone except himself for his situation, any surgeon would have to be nuts to operate on him. From reading a lot about/by him over the last few years, much of his identity is still around finding a partner and his sexual orientation and not gender. I still don't feel as if he ever really acknowledged how hurtful his transphobic remarks were on his website and continues to not take responsibility for his past actions. While I have compassion for the complicated turns his life took, ultimately there are men out there with far more complex intersex conditions than Kirchner has who haven't put themselves (and our community) through all this drama."

Firstly, the former website is not vanquished completely.  You can still access a page of it in an internet archives website at:  http://web.archive.org/web/20040710060842/http://www.helpmereversemysexchange.org/  I wish I could find more of the old website because it should stand as a testament to how out messed up the religious based "change" groups can get someone when they are desperately unhappy with their situation and they are using religious faith to mess you up even more.  I spend five years of intense religious study before I said, "To hell with it all!  It's all just a bunch of manmade stories to explain the unexplainable".  I say, Until God (whoever that thing, it or person may be) decides to apologize to the human race, come down, build a palace and take appointments on Wedsnesdays, then I'll have nothing to do with such silly stories.  I'm with Bill Mahr, "God is a mental illness".

You can easily point the finger and say I am the only one responsible for the situation I thought myself to be in, but in reality there is a world of influences out there leading many people down a primrose path to something that may not be right for them.  Who was I to think my doctors who diagnosed me and fueled my fantasy that womanhood with within my grasp?  Who was I to discount tons of trannie friends who were cheering me on? 

Every surgeon I went to to get help reversing my former surgeries were very sympathetic, even the ones who had formerly operated on me.  It's not like I was out to sue anybody for a former surgery I had asked to have.  That's not what my return to a more natural state of being was all about.  Oh, but wasn't that buzz with gossip mongers?  I heard it all the time that I was looking to sue the doctors for the mistake that was made.  Let me make it clear.  No mistake was made.  I'm happy with my cockcunt, the rest of the package was not a good fit and hundreds of thousands of other men on the planet feel the same way.  Since I came out and began the Mangina Men Movement there is not a day that passes that I don't get an email from a guy who says, "I thought I was all alone with my desire to remain a masculine man, yet be able to function sexually as a woman would with a vagina."

Finding a partner is a lifelong search for many people and that hardly becomes ones identity.  One may identify with me as the lonely person who just wants to find love, but it's ludacrist to allege that is someone's identity.  It's a human condition to come from families and create families of our own, not an identity as if you were trying to degrade someone for looking for love.  Yeah, I'm on the lookout for "Mr. Right, but frankly, I'm so entertained by all the "Mr. Right Now's" in my life that I don't give much thought to be single and lonely because I'm not anymore.  Living in Los Angeles is a far cry from the dateless barren prairies of South Dakota where I was attending school for some years (my previous residence before moving to California).

My sexual orientation is bisexual.  I imagine it is that way because of in XY/XO chromosome pattern?  Because though my gender orientation leans more towards the receptive partner, males are the more likely sexual partner choice while I have more of a connection with women emotionally.  I certainly had no problem being "ready" with my first girlfriend that I wanted to marry.  That was long, long ago though and since then while I have had strong flirtations with girls I have shyed away from the overpowering emotional bond with them.  But all this blah, blah, blah about my bisexual nature is not the issue the "anonymous" commenter is talking about.  It's so easy to be nasty when your anonymous isn't it?  It's the homosexual part of my sexual orientation that this person is so concerned about.  At one time while I was in the grip of insane and uneducated religious beliefs that I once was held captive by the idea that I would burn in hell for all eternity if I did not abstain from homosexual pleasures.  I'm so glad I decide to be a seeker of truth and unravel the mysteries of religion and came to the undisputable realization that all religions are total bullshit.  I have no apologies to anybody who believes in God or gods.  Those people are totally deluding themselves and I have no time for uneducated people who believe in such superstions.  Being lured into such beliefs were a large part of the fuel behind my first transition and in an even more fucked up way it also affected my return to living as male.  The first time around I had the idea if I

I would tend to believe I am within my full right to complain, brutally or otherwise the process that took away 20 years of my life that could have been spent in a much more productive fashion and a much happier and realistic life if I had not been misdiagnosed a transsexual, but the very poor Standards of Care concerning those who are gender varient to not recommond the simple prodedure of chromosomal testing.  Had my chromosomes been tested at age 17 when I first began psychotherapy due to the displeasure with the feelings I was experiencing an inability to fully embrace my sexuality and body differences, then a totally different treatment plan could have been presented to me.  As an intersexed person, perhaps the doctors would not have pushed me down the transsexual path and given me more options instead of living in Box A:  Male or Box B:  Female.  Living in a box is boring!  I'm proud to be living outside the box!   Nothing has changed in 20 years.  People are still being hearded into operating theatres in a quest to solve things with a knife to quickly upon ill advice.  Incomplete and ill advice came from my doctors and from the transgender community and this still continues at large today.  While I certainly do not regret the penile inversion surgery to create a place for sexaul relations the rest of the package was not a good fit for me and it cost me plenty in many ways other than the multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars gone on surgeries I was convinced were needed to ensure a good transition by the gender community and the doctoral community.  In the end I spent many more dollars to reverse things to bring my body inline in what many are of the opinion if a very controversial style of living,.. for lack of better explanation, a man with a vagina.

Yes, I was damned angry at the end of those 20 years of living as female and never actually being able to enjoy the benefits of being female.  Let's just call a spade a spade, okay.  Ultimately, for any transgender person to be at peace and happy, they must be honest with themselves and embrace who they are as a transsexaul man or woman.  Living the so-called "sleath" life is for the birds!  You are deceiving yourself and others and only putting yourself through a world of heartache and dreaming dreams that will never come true.  Yes, we are all entitled to our privacy, but it's the "OUT and PROUD" pioneers that are making the world a much more hospitiable place for all of LGBTI kind.  Much has been written about the "sleath transsexual", and for the very few who manage to pass effortlessly as female as I once did, the ride can be easy seemingly on the inside to the casual observer, but near the end of that 20-year journey living as an undectable "sleath" transsexual woman my heart really began to ach for something geninue and true that seemed to be totally beyond my grasp always.  I remember it was 2003 and I was working as a nurse in Louisville, Kentucky and saw a commerical on the tv in a patients room where a handsome husband and his wife and kids were having a happy time.  For the moment I smile and placed myself in that scene as the happy and fulfilled wife and mother, and then in the same stark and sobering instant like a hard slap in the face, I told myself, "WHO ARE YOU KIDDING!"  You are not a real woman and the hurdles you have to jump to date men have become too exhaustingly high!  That understanding man you dream of that will come along one day that you want to ride off into the sunset with just does not exisit for the transsexual woman who is post-op!"  If your a shemale with the "best of both worlds" then tons of men are beating down your door, but once you have had he clip, your dating pool consists of straight men and those you decided to disclose your past to which almost always has immediate disasterous results...that is right after the pigs lie and say, it's too late, I'm already in love with you and and very emotional evening of bonding occurs.  I've been through it too many times.  The straight man becomes scared shitless of what his buddies would say or do if they after found out about you, not to mention his family who may reject him as their son forever.  Without a doubt, it is the rare, one in a million post-op gal who ever finds her prince and lives happily ever after.  Not unlike normal heterosexual couples, many will compromise and remain in very unhealthy relationships or continue to dream the dream long after the time of dreaming should come to and end,...  BUT, far be it from me to squash anybodies dreams and hopes.   I used to be encourages about the very few "TS Successes" stories I would read, until I came to become closely accquainted with many of these so-called successes who while they may have have career successes and such were bankrupt in the personal fulfillment department when it came to loving relationships.

Let it be known far and wide that Josef Kirchner accepts just as much responsibilty as allowed by law for all the decisions made during his three lives in one one lifetime!  I'm a happy camper and I never sued any doctors.  LOL  I formerly apologized to the community long ago on my website for any distress I may have caused anyone during  my "messy" transition from Transsexual Woman to Mangina Man!  :-)  Life is gooooooooooooooood!   :-)

So, anyway...enough now with all the whining and lets all press forward to the goal to all ALL human beings to be able to live with grace and dignity as they all damn well please in this world without laws to discriminate against them being created or kept on the books!