JosefKirchner.com

                                The Sexchange Industry

A warning to those who may be considering the transsexual lifestyle from someone who has been there and done that                          

- INTRODUCTION -

Once upon a time there was a little website I created called www.HelpMeReverseMySexchange.org.   That website lasted for about a year or two, served it's main purpose and then faded into the cyberspace archives. If you look you can still find remnants of this former website on the net. Never was there a site so upsetting to so many transgender people!  Well, not until now, that is....this website may indeed be far more upsetting than that one was.

To those who felt an apology from me was in order for some of the things said on that website, well, all I can say is I did apologize where it was appropriate, but if some whiny, crybabies out there want me to make some big coverall apology and forsake all that was said on that website, I say hell fuckin' no way, and now how will they ever received such an apology.  Some would like to see me say I was so terrible and said so many hurtful things, forsake my past behavior and then be all nicey nice.  Well, it's not going to happen.  I happen to have a legitimate beef about the SEXCHANGE INDUSTRY that the medical profession and some transgender opportunists have created to lead a lot of people down the wrong path and ultimately line their pockets with the money from those poor saps.

I believe it was my good friend Alan Finch who coined the phrase, "Sexchange Industry".  Alan had lived as the transsexual woman, Helen Finch, for sometime before he too fully realized that he had been encouraged down a path that eventually was not right for him, but it was too late after the surgeon has waved the sword that is supposed to somehow magically transform a man's penis into a female vagina.

There is a lot of money to be made promoting the pop phenomenon of transsexual surgeries and all the lifestyle changes that go along with it.  Not only is the medical community profiting, but there are even some websites and businesses run by transsexuals that will gladly take your hand and walk you down the road to transsexualism and take your money for services rendered, like teaching you how to change the pitch of your voice so it passes as more of a female sounding voice.

Foremost, I would like this page of my website to serve as a warning for others who may be going down the transsexual path all the while thinking they may be doing the right thing for all the right reasons, but later find out that they are very disatified that they never got to "become" what they really wanted to be in their heart.  Believe me, it can be an unhappy place to be in when your life just doesn't have a genuine feel to it.  I'm not the big bad wolf, but really a caring person, but someone needs to speak out on this issue.  Far too many people are being lead to believe that transsexualism is right for them and sometimes your vision can be blurred when there is such a positive support system in place such like the Sexchange Industry provides.

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I want to tell you about my own personal journey and what brought me to the place where I was convinced that living as female was the wrong choice for me.  Let me do that by first telling you about all the circumstances to lead up to me making the choice to live as a woman and how I did so successfully for 20 years.  Twenty years is nothing to sneeze at.

Yes, I was a transsexual success by all accounts. I had it all.  Beauty, brains, lavish lifestyle and legally married to a man who did not know that I was a transsexual woman.  I had made the grade.  I was what you called the "true transsexual" and did it all long before Sexchange Industry opportunists began selling something called "deep stealth" to desperate transsexuals seeking to pass as real women.  I guess many businesses are built on the idea from profiting from other people's insecurities so why not trannie hucksters?  Granted, while much sincere info is given in aid to help others get where they *want* to go, there is not enough balance.  So, welcome to my equalizer page written by the Josefinator himself!  LOL  Come on, uptight ones! Laugh a little.  It's what has gotten me through--laughing in the face of adversity.

There is info about my medical history that was hidden from me by my parents, and doctors, in an effort to create a normal life for the little boy born in 1964, but that didn't get to be a part of my decision making journey until many years after the facts I am about to recount.  It's best to tell my story from the begining chronologically so you can experience it the way I did. Unravel for yourself just how biology, society and the Sexchange Industry took one person down the wrong path.

Before the age of five I only have a few sketchy little flashbulb memories of events of my life. My father was a local television producer and mom was a stay at home mother having two older boys from a previous marriage, my year and half younger half sister and myself to care for. I do know that age five was when my knowlege about the sexes and my awareness of self began.

The first grade of elementary school with lots of boys and girls to blend in with showed me which group I blended in with and felt more akin to and which ones were to object of emotional interest. Every school kid plays the little note passing game, "Do you like me? Check yes or no".  While girls were passing notes to boys I saw that going on and realized that my affections were for boys because I wanted to pass romantic little crush notes to them instead of the girls.

The little crushes on other boys continued as I made my way through elementary school while also playing those experimental games like "Doctors" with the kids in the neighborhood.  I found girls boring subjects to play doctors with, but boys were emotionally and physically exciting. Up until the time I was 11 years old me and the boy across the street used pleasure each other orally.  My mother divorced and remarried and that marriage moved us from the neighborhood I had grown up in.

A change of neighborhood and a change from 11-years-old to 12-years old---- EKKK! There is hair growing under my arms and around my dick! But wait, that is not all! Underneath my nipples hard cores are forming and they hurt like hell when I bump then or lay on them. Oh, and my areolas are getting bigger and as well my nips.  Oh my fucking gods!  I'm growing tits!  What is wrong with me?

I'd always wished I was a girl instead of a boy.  Liked playing dressup as a girl.  Always wanted to play the Mommy instead of the Daddy when we played house.  Always felt like I could identify more with girls than with the boys I was attracted to.  Was I somehow a boy and a girl in the same body? Kids at school noticed my breast growth on my bone thin body and asked me why I had tits?  This was the beginning of the horrible years! 

Things started getting bad a couple years before when girls began pushing me away from being their constant playmates and companions.  I just couldn't fit in with the other boys.  I was nothing like them although I was smart enough to know I was supposed to be a boy. Inside my confusion reigned.  I was a girl on the inside, boy on the outside, but wait, not all boy--was I beginning to turn into a girl with the breast growth?

Being very tormented by being a boy with breasts I revealed my chest to my doctor who merely blew me off with, "Oh, this happens sometimes to 4 out of 9 boys when they go into puberty, but it will go away in about a years time".  What a relief those words were at the moment, but there was no real relieve from the breasts on my chest that I learned to conceal with layers of t-shirts and jackets even in hot summer weather.  I could never go shirtless like the other boys.  A year came and went and the tits never went away and I got used to them somewhat. Back then it wasn't like today when you see plastic surgeons advertising everyplace they can think of to offer you plastic surgeries to change this and that, even remove male breast growth called gynocomastia.

At age 17 I didn't give a fuck what anybody thought anymore, especially after a suicide attempt brought on by the anxiety of trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be.  I was gonna share the real me with the world and if they didn't like it then tough shit!  The pscychologist in the hospital had confronted me about my sexuality and I confided in him that I felt like a boy and a girl trapped in one body and would prefer that I was a girl instead of the miserable persecuted boy I'd been living as.  This began my next 7 years real life test period during which I dressed and lived as female. 

First came being comfortable outside of private settings. Little things like dressing in more female fashion, not full-on hardcore drag, but just casual in jeans and simple assexual tops. I remember very clearly walking into my math class a minute after the class had already settled into their seats.  In the dead silence as I walked from the door to my front row seat the hot redneck guy sitting a few seats away from me loudly exclaimed, "HOW FEMININE!" While that did make me embarrassed and flushed I was beaming on the inside that just a simple change from boys jeans to girls jeans, a bit longer hair and different way of carrying myself, without the feeling of pretending to "act" male anymore, really altered the way people saw me.  It felt good inside to finally feel the relief of allowing the real me to be recognized.

It was not easy making such a change while still in high school, but I did my best to keep things under control.  I decided I would not take the big step of starting hormones till I got that diploma in hand because I though all hell would break loose if I gave them too much girl too quick. Finally, graduation day came in May and by December I was finally getting my first hormone shot in the doctors office.  Within only a few months I was undeniably female.  I had begun working in a family business and people where telling my mother what a beautiful daughter she had and it really freaked her out as she could only see the son she had known, not the woman other people were seeing.

While still in high school I'd become familiar with the local gay bar scene in Tampa, Florida where there was a thriving transsexual population.  There were many other "girls" that were all in the same boat so I had a good support system.  Now, playing devil's advocate, was this a good support system or what was it?  Does a crazy person seek healing from inmates of mental health facility or from the doctors?  But deeper yet, what if the doctors are also part of this crazyness?  After all, my first hormone doctor was sympathetic to the girls and often dated transsexuals....

At the time I was only concerned with making my life better and doing what felt best for me.  As well, I was the patient and who was I to question the doctors diagnosis of my situation? I seemed to be just like all my other transsexual friends who were going for the whole sexchange.  I didn't see any warning signs.  In hindsight I guess it was kinda foolish to think that some surgery could turn my penis into an acceptable vagina.  It's just the perception you put on things I guess.  I was having plenty of success in the real world living as a female and dating guys, but not ever letting them get too close to my crotch.  What a surprise they would have been in for if they found the girl they were dating had a bigger dick than them.

Staying as a boy meant accepting myself as gay and being a bottom (sexually) because I had no desire to penetrate another guy with my dick and to ad to it, I really didn't get off on someone performing oral sex on me, that made the decision making process about living as female and having the full surgical process to make me appear fear everywhere a comfortble and easy decision to make.  After 7 years of real life test, five years of estrogen and my psychiatric and psychological walking papers in hand I finally got what my doctor called "penile inversion technique" to create my (unreal) vagina.

Okay, all that "how I got there" info, now, what was the results afterwards?  This is when the real life test actually begins.  That foolish "real life test" of the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care for the transsexual patient is for the birds.  What does it mean when someone was passes effortlessly does a one year real life test?  Some who looks like a man dressed up like a woman may have a psychologically hard time dealing with all the fallout of going round dressed female, but still then what does it prove?  It proves nothing but the person is gonna do what they wanna do and they don't give a shit what others think.  I certainly don't think a year is an experience where someone will decide if living as female will be right for them as that decision is generally chiseled in stone already before they ever begin transition.  What does that year really do?  It sure lines the pockets of therapists for a year with transsexual dollars!

TO BE CONTINUED